The Hardest Part of Growth: Facing Yourself
Right now, I’m in a phase of growth and I’m not gonna lie: it sucks.
I’m in my head. I’m trying desperately not to doubt myself.
So here I am, writing to all of you, hoping that putting it into words will help me make sense of it.
Looking Back to Move Forward
I’m competing with my past self, the one who still questions her value, her voice, what she brings to the table. She shows up from time to time, reminding me to double-check my direction, my motives, my alignment. I used to see her as a critic, but I’m learning she’s really a guardian, making sure I don’t drift too far from what matters.
This past year on my own has been full of lessons. I say “on my own” loosely because nothing meaningful is ever built alone. Every client I’ve worked with has come through connection and trust, one relationship leading to another. The people I’ve partnered with have believed in my ability to carry their missions forward, and my mentors have offered guidance that has shaped every next step. Seeing those relationships clearly, knowing who stands beside me, has been the best part of this season.
Still, the last few months have stretched me. One of my long-term clients has reached a new stage. The foundation we built, their story, structure, and voice, has served them well. But now they’re ready for the next level, one that calls for a depth of strategy I’m still learning (always, actually). So, we’re bringing in a growth partner to help define what’s next.
And that brings up the familiar questions:
Is this the direction I want to grow in?
Am I shifting too far into strategy and away from creativity?
Can I scale without losing myself?
These questions remind me of an earlier version of me.
Years ago, I was up for a promotion, one I thought I wanted. I’d spent seven years climbing from instructor to coordinator to director, helping rebuild a damaged reputation, launching programs and fundraising events that performed well. On paper, I’d earned it. But in truth, I was shrinking. I was learning how to fit into a space that valued conformity over authenticity, where being palatable mattered more than being whole.
When I didn’t get the job, my ego took a hit. My CEO even took me to lunch to make sure I was okay. I smiled, nodded, thanked him…but I was already a foot out the door. That experience taught me something I carry to this day: not every next step is meant to be yours. Sometimes what looks like failure is really opportunity.
A Different Kind of Growth
This time, the discomfort feels different. I’m not being asked to abandon myself to move forward. I’m being invited to learn, to grow with others who have been where I’m headed. Even our current CEO admits he could benefit from external expertise to design this next phase. We’re building it together.
I never want profits to outweigh prose, or growth to silence authenticity. I want to build something sustainable that still feels like me — where creative integrity guides strategy, not the other way around.
It’s amazing how easily we focus on the struggles rather than the progress. I think that’s part of what drove me to start writing my book, a desire to connect with others who’ve been through it, who know that change, while painful, can be profoundly good. It’s gut-wrenching at times. Ego-bruising. Heart-crushing. And yet, even in the hard moments, I’m reminded of my worth, of what I bring to the table, of my resilience.
Growth doesn’t always feel good, but that doesn’t make it bad. It just means it’s working.
A Quick Gut Check Writing Prompt for Growth
If you’re also in a growth season, here’s a short reflection you can turn into a journal entry, a morning note to yourself (or your followers), or a conversation starter with a friend.
Take a few minutes to sit with these questions and write what comes up, no editing, no overthinking, just be honest with yourself:
What matters most to me in this season of work and life?
Where might I be getting in my own way?
Does this next step feel like opportunity or misdirection, and how can I tell?
What’s one small action that would bring me closer to my purpose this week?
You don’t have to have the answers. You just have to be willing to listen to what comes up.
I’ll be sharing what I learn from this next phase, the lessons, the challenges, and the ways we can grow without losing our creative core.
Share with our Community
If you write from these prompts, I’d love to hear what surfaced for you. What part of yourself are you learning to bring along?
And remember: you don’t have to go through your own messy middle alone. That’s what this space is for. In fact, that’s the whole purpose of my podcast: Notes from the Messy Middle. Community. Validation. Understanding. Inspiration. And some lessons to take home with you.
We’re here to remind each other that growth, even when it’s uncomfortable, is worth it — and that clarity, courage, and creativity come from walking through it together. So here I am, walking right through the discomfort with you, unfiltered, imperfect, but always me. Thanks for joining.